Hoplessly Devoted to Mickey

I got an email today reminding me of our families expiring Disney Annual Pass. Why did this crunch my heart a little? I had an immediate flashback of my sister and I being told we were going to Disneyland. We would be SO PUMPED counting down the days, the hours, the seconds! We were maybe 8 and 6, we shared a room with twin size beds each with Disney stickers stuck to the headboards. The night before, we had it all planned out… we would sleep with our clothes on and wearing our fanny packs with everything we needed AND we’d sleep OVER the blankets so that we wouldn’t even have to bother with making the bed in the morning. Incase our parents insisted we waste time on that. I don’t think I slept more than an hour that night, I was SO COLD!!!! I will never forget the excitement and the anxiousness to GET THERE!! (My sister and I still say, “sleep with your fanny pack ON!” when we are describing something particularly exciting. Ha ha!) At day break, we brushed our teeth and went into our parent’s room to tell them IT WAS TIME!!! I remember my dad being so annoyed that we were waking him up at 5 am for this! As a parent now, it makes me laugh. I’d be pissed too! Disneyland isn’t even open until like 10! It was their fault though, who tells their kids in advance!? When they finally got up, they insisted we eat breakfast and that nearly sent me to tears! We just wanted to GO! I remember the excruciatingly long car drive from the Valley to Disneyland and then finally arriving and parking in the parking lot that used to be where California Adventure now sits. I remember my dad going to the ticket booth to get our tickets and coming back with a five dollar Disney Dollar for each of us! I remember putting it in my fanny pack like a treasure and checking multiple times during the day to make sure it was still there. I remember running to the Matterhorn with him and choosing that as our first ride. I don’t know why I remember so many details or why it’s making me so emotional… Maybe, because under the magic of Disneyland my parents were with us. Dad wasn’t at work, Mom wasn’t busy in the kitchen or cleaning. They were just with us. Going on rides with us, laughing and just having fun together. My Dad was a hard worker Disneyland has never been like an “affordable” place to go. Thinking about it now, he sacrificed so much to give us that annual luxury. If I could, I would tell him thank you and that it was all worth it because those are the memories I hold on to the tightest especially now that he’s gone.

I’m sure he already knows.

Its funny how grief can sneak up on you, at the most random times. I thought I was writing this post about my annual pass expiring but I guess its really about all the memories I have connected to Disneyland from different times in my life. I was here to laugh and now I’ve opened a floodgate with that memory.

“The excitement and endless enchantment that Disneyland still holds, even after all these years, is just magic.”

That brings me back to my problem, to renew or not… The kids love Disneyland so much, Vie took her first steps there and has grown with Disneyland as her playground. Zoe loves it also but it’s a newer thing for her and Levi. I have to be honest, it’s expensive. The pass is expensive and so are expenses once you’re there. I don’t know how some people do it. It’s definitely a big time splurge / sacrifice for us. If we made it into an annual thing they wouldn’t complain. They would be ok. It was easier when I was working but we only have one income right now and I don’t know if it’s necessarily a “responsible” thing to do. What keeps pulling me back are the memories. The memories that we make every time we go with our kids and the memories that I hold from my own childhood. The excitement and endless enchantment that Disneyland still holds, even after all these years, is just magic for me. Mickey might just have his grip on my heart, as well as my wallet.